» Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet

Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet – Summary

Andy — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 16:20:25 +0000

My evil, big corporation diet has come to an end and capitalism has made me skinny. Well, not quite skinny but it was a fairly successful diet while I was on it. It might not be for everyone, but it worked for me. It was cheap. It was easy. It was tasty enough. And as American as apple pie.

Hmmm, this is probably a good time to say that I’m not a doctor and that you should read this site for entertainment value only. But honestly, if you go on the Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet — or any fad diet, really — for a week and you die then you weren’t long for this world anyway.

So, over the course of 7 days I lost 10 pounds on the Coke and Mickey D’s diet. Then after two days of eating normally I regained three pounds for an overall loss of 7 pounds or one pound per day. That qualifies as a success in my book.

Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet – Day 7 Report

Andy — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 18:44:25 +0000

And another diet winds down. I have to tell you, there were a lot of doomsday predictions that didn’t come true. I heard that I was going to be tired all the time, that my skin would break out, that I’d be sick to my stomach, but none of those things happened. I feel fine, I have plenty of energy. I am looking forward to moving on to something different, but I didn’t find the Coke and McDonald’s diet to be all that hard to stick to. The hunger during the day wasn’t unbearable and there was enough variety in the meals at night to keep me going.

Did I lose any weight? Yes. We’ll see how much of it stays off.

Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet – Day 5 Report

Andy — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 19:52:00 +0000

The diet goes forth. Nothing new to report. A friend of mine asked me how I stick to the diet. I don’t really know how I do it. Not sticking to it is just not an option I even consider. Here are more of my thoughts on it…

How to stick to a diet

I don’t consider myself to have an iron resolve in regards to a lot of things. I can be a little impetuous and take on a bunch of different projects only to abandon them a few days later. In many matters I have little self-control, but I have no problem sticking to a diet for some reason.

I think it comes down to whether or not you’re willing to negotiate with yourself in regards to it. There are certain things you just aren’t willing to negotiate on. For instance if you’re in bed and you’re exhausted but you have to go to the bathroom, it doesn’t matter how tired you are, you won’t let yourself shit the bed. I won’t let myself go to bed without brushing my teeth no matter how much I want to get sleep. Some people have an iron-clad work ethic and wouldn’t miss a day of work unless they’re in the hospital, other people will wake up in the morning and negotiate with themselves in regards to whether or not they should go to work that day.

So, I think the key to staying on a diet is just not entertaining the possibility of not staying on the diet. The way you set yourself back is when you start bargaining with yourself. There are men who cheat on their wives all the time and there are other men for whom it doesn’t matter how attractive the other woman is, and how aroused they are, they will just never cheat on their wife. And I guess what I’m saying is that the mindset you need to have going in is, “I don’t care how hard it is or how hungry I get, I’m going to eat this particular way for the next week (or whatever) and see if it works.” But I think the attitude most people have going in is, “I’m going to try and eat 1500 calories a day.” Then a couple days in they think, “This is hard. I really could go for some cookies. Hey, there are some cookies over there! Should I eat those cookies? No, I’m on a diet. I have to stick to this diet. Maybe I’ll just have two but then tomorrow I’ll start a 1200 calorie diet. No, I shouldn’t. Dammit, Irene, why can’t you stay on a diet you fatass! That’s why Roger left you! No, I’m not going to have any. Well, maybe I’ll have one. No, two. Okay, I’ll just eat the whole damn box.” If she didn’t entertain the notion of negotiating with herself, the conversation goes like this, “This is hard. Yup, it’s hard. So what?”

I realize all I’m really saying is “Stay on a diet by staying on the diet,” but ultimately you’re the one in control so there isn’t really any way around it besides that. Realistically you can’t rely on anybody else; and why would you want to?

Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet – Day 4 Report

Andy — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 19:57:10 +0000

This is the result of my recent Coke whoring.

The 2 liter bottle with the yellow cap in the back is Coke that is made special this time of year for Passover. It’s made with sucrose instead of high fructose corn syrup. The Coke that comes in the glass bottle you see there is made with sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. I know it’s not cool to say this, but I can’t really taste much of a difference between the three and if I had to choose one, I would probably choose the version with the high fructose corn syrup. The sucrose one seemed to have a bit of an aftertaste that I associate with diet soda.

My go-to meal at McDonald’s has been one of their Premium Chicken sandwiches. Ronald McDonald really has his shit together. That’s a damn tasty sandwich. (In my mind, Ronald McDonald is a real person who personally creates every product McDonald sells. I’m functionally retarded).

Three more days on this diet.

Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet – Day 2 Report

Andy — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 18:32:33 +0000

I’ve been reading a history of Coke these past few days that is pretty fascinating. It’s called For God, Country & Coca-Cola by Mark Pendergrast. If this was a more sophisticated blog I would have that as a link to Amazon and if you bought it through there I would make a quarter or something. I can’t bother with that but if you want it you can probably get it from Amazon, and if you want to send me a quarter I’ll give you my address.

Anyway, the history of Coca-Cola is fascinating, as I imagine the history of any company that’s been around for so long would be. It started as a patent medicine and did in fact have cocaine in it when it was first introduced. That’s how you know how goddamn delicious Coca-Cola is; it had cocaine in it and when that was removed the beverage only increased in popularity.

Here’s an ad from 1887:

COCA-COLA SYRUP AND EXTRACT For Soda Water and other Carbonated Beverages. This Intellectual Beverage and Temperance Drink contains the valuable Tonic and Nerve Stimulant properties of the Coca plant and Cola (or Kola) nuts, and makes not only a delicious, exhilarating, refreshing and invigorating Beverage (dispensed from the soda water fountain or in other carbonated beverages), but a valuable Brain Tonic and a cure for all nervous affections — Sick Head-Ache, Neuralgia, Hysteria, Melancholy, etc. The peculiar flavor of COCA-COLA delights every palate.

Those were the good old days when you could make any claims you damn well please in your advertisements.

Well, for the duration of the Coke and McDonald’s Diet I’ve decided to act as if these miraculous properties are all true. You might say that’s silly to pretend that Coke has some mystical healing properties. Yes, but the placebo effect is a wonderful thing. A lot of people believe in ancient healing techniques that are just as bullshit as the Coke ad above; some even more so. How about homeopathy. Do you know what homeopathy is? It’s witchcraft, that’s what it is. It’s completely bogus, but millions of people like to think it works. So I’m going to pretend that Coca-Cola is the miracle beverage it was once advertised as. I’ve been looking for a good Brain Tonic.

Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet – Day 1 Report

Andy — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 23:47:15 +0000

The Basics:

Breakfast – 1 can of Coke
Lunch – 1 can of Coke
Dinner – 1 McDonald’s Extra Value Meal, medium size with a Coke

Think of it like a poor man’s Slim Fast. Instead of a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and then a sensible dinner it’s a can of Coke for breakfast, a can of Coke for lunch, and then a McDonald’s extra value meal for dinner.

When I tell people that I’m going to go on this diet for a week they immediately become concerned for my health. “You’ll die on that,” my friend told me. People seem to think the body is so delicate. I’m not really convinced of that. I think it can hold up pretty well to some screwing around with. And I think people overstate the danger of certain things. Obviously an all Coke and McDonald’s diet wouldn’t be good in the long term but for a week it’s not going to do much harm. Well, that’s my theory at any rate. Maybe I’ll feel different in a week’s time.

The first day on the Coke and McDonald’s Diet was kind of interesting. I was a lot hungrier by 4PM than I had been on the juice diet I did a week ago. I don’t know if it was a matter of the caffeine or the carbonation or what but I was really feeling some hunger pangs throughout the day. It didn’t bother me too much. Dinner (a Crispy Chicken Ranch Extra Value Meal) was perfectly satisfying. I’m lovin’ it! or something.

Next Diet Announcement

Andy — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 02:47:08 +0000

Okay, this diet is a stroke of genius on my part. It’s going to upset nutritionists, communists, socialists, anti-globalizationists, animal-rights activists, hipsters, gourmands, dentists, and my mother.

I apologize in advance to all of you for this monstrosity:

The Coca-Cola and McDonald’s Diet.